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© 2006 David Pickup/The Workout -All Rights Reserved
ASK DAVE
David Pickup answers your real-life questions about the Manly Experience
The ASK DAVE column expresses the opinions of David Pickup in his capacity as a Life Coach and therapist. The advice contained herein is not intended to replace any needed treatment by a thareapist. No liability is assumed for actions and outcomes resulting from said advice.
ESCAPING THE GRAY ZONE
DEAR DAVE: On some occasions when I am feeling stressed and overtired, I find myself in what Nicolosi refers to as the "gray zone", i.e. don't have any conscious feelings, am not interested beyond the immediate present, and feel driven to act out my SSA desires. When I get to this state, I'm not interested in asking for help - in fact, I usually want to avoid people who might 'talk me down'. Eventually, the mood passes, and I am very glad that I did not act out. However, the lack of feelings and willingness to abandon my goals in that situation is frightening. Can you offer any suggestions for what I can do, next time I find myself in the “gray zone”?
-STRESSED AND TIRED
-STRESSED AND TIRED
DEAR STRESSED: There could be several reasons why you experience this, which may suggest several options. It could be that your motionless/ consciousless state is actually a defense against actually experiencing the deeper, authentic feelings, which are the source of your angst. My guess is that either way you turn, there are feelings you don't want to face, possibly a discouraging place to be. Your therapist can help you discover those feelings and make sense of them. Additionally, it might help you to gather your courage and do something for yourself that would put you "in your body." This could be anything from athletics of some kind of an activity in which you feel an authentic visceral emotion. If this works for you, you might ask yourself why you find it hard to "be in" your God-given body. Also, you can never go wrong in connecting emotionally with another guy in whom you have some trust and who will not judge you no matter what you are feeling.
DEAR DAVE: If I seek help understanding why I have unwanted SSA, at what point can I expect to no longer struggle with it? ie, be healed?
-Just Curious
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE?
DEAR CURIOUS: In my opinion, when you viscerally feel your own sense of masculinity and manhood, and when you lose the sense of Toxic Shame for having homosexual feelings, you will be well on your way to lessening or healing your struggle. If you are experiencing the above and still struggle from time to time with homosexual feelings, so what? God's grace should not prevent you from being happy with who you are at any given time.
