The Manly Experience

The Manly Experience, as I call it, is simply the God-given design by which males grow into full manhood. It includes many aspects of boyhood, youth, and manhood that if not experienced can cause significant problems for a man, including homosexuality.

“What exactly IS The Manly Experience?” 

Even though there are many variations according to every man’s unique life, there are generally a series of things that a boy experiences to grow into this achievement we call manhood.

When a boy is born he needs to be immediately fed and nurtured by his mother. In this relationship a powerful attachment is formed. About the time a boy learns to walk, he finds himself “competing” with his father for the love of his mother.

At this crucial time in a boy’s development of identity, he usually resolves this mother/father conflict enough so that he gives up his desire for exclusive mother-love in deference to his father who is of course more powerful than he. The boy then begins to discern something in his father that he wants to be a part of, and he draws closer to him. His father begins to “take him away” from his mother, being mirrored and loved by his father. At this point the boy feels his inborn need to connect with and be like his father.

In the years that follow, the boy finds friendship and the mirroring of his male identity with his male peers who are also responsive to male development. As a boy, he continually needs the relationship of his father to provide unconditional approval, affirmation of his male identity, and physical closeness. In this case a boy feels a desire to be like his father, to develop in himself what his father seems to be in full possession of, and he becomes proud of his self-achievement. He feels this within his body and sense of being.

Later, about the time sexual hormones begin to develop, a youth finds he is attracted sexually to girls who are also maturing sexually, and feels a desire to pursue them. With a healthy sense of his male identity, a boy is sexually attracted to a girl since he perceives her to be opposite to him in identity. One of the conditions of sexual response is having a sexual object.

This necessarily implies that the “pull” of sexual attraction occurs because the sexual object is perceived as opposite to the beholder.

As young men, most guys find they want to partner with a woman and start a family. This frequently leads to both love and “being in love” with a woman. At this point, a man feels both different and the same in relating to her. He is confident in his manly individualism but feels he has a connectedness to the woman he loves. In this sexual union a man can connect to her without taking on her identity. (Ah…the constant and desireable paradox of contradiction and connection!) A family develops, and then……..Well, you know the rest.

Of course, this is only the ideal design, but the real experience can be quite different. So what happens if The Manly Experience is thwarted or unfulfilled at crucial times in a boy’s life?  What can happen to a boy’s identity and sexuality if he does not get what he needs during the identity developmental periods of his life?  What if abuse enters into the picture of a boy’s life?

If a boy’s identity and emotional needs aren’t met during the development of his identity, the body, mind, and spirit will compensate. In the simplest of terms, homosexuality is a compensation for those unfulfilled needs. How? READ ON ...